


Finding Nick

by kattytoofatty



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Pre-Season/Series 03, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 05:35:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4817042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattytoofatty/pseuds/kattytoofatty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>18 months ago a Siegbarste broke into Nick and Juliette’s home, killed Juliette and kidnapped Nick. This is the story of his recovery. (Trigger warnings for rape/abuse)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Nick

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> So I finally worked up the courage to post something I've written online! #nervous  
> This piece deals with some fairly dark themes, so reader discretion is advised, and (again) trigger warnings for rape, abuse, depression, all that jazz. There's nothing major, but please be aware.  
> This is my first work, so constructive criticism is welcomed, flames will be used to warm my feet, and if you don't think this is for you, the back button is waiting for you.
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters and the show Grimm do not belong to me, they belong to NBC, the writers and the actors. The only thing that belongs to me is the plot bunny that inspired this.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

18 months ago a Siegbarste broke into Nick and Juliette’s home, killed Juliette and kidnapped Nick. Monroe knew it was a Siegbarste because his scent was all over the house, down the road, even in the wooded area opposite the house. The guy had obviously been watching Nick for months, biding his time, waiting for the opportune moment. In some small way, Monroe blames himself for what happened. He was round Nick’s a few times in the days before the attack, once for a few hours; he should have been able to smell it then. He spent the first month of the investigation moping at home, with horrible thoughts blackened by guilt, until Rosalee had all but kicked his door down and demanded he help her at the shop, putting the routine back into his life that had been forced out with the disappearance of Nick (for such a cute Fuchsbau she could be quite intimidating, and Monroe thinks she’s very lucky he’s a _reformed_ Blutbad, or he could have done some damage). It didn’t help that the police had nothing. The guy must have been in full Siegbarste woge when he attacked, there was no evidence anywhere, no prints, no hair, the only blood they found was Nick and Juliette’s, and there were giant _foot prints_ leading towards and away from the house; the ones leading away were smudged by scuffled drag marks, the only evidence that Nick hadn’t been killed at the scene and his body dumped elsewhere. So the police had nothing, no suspects, no evidence, and the case fell so flat the investigation was closed after 4 months and Nick was presumed dead. Hearing that verdict had hit Monroe hard, if he hadn’t have had Rosalee to help him, he doesn’t know what he’d have done.

But that was then. Now, Monroe is practically speeding on his way to the hospital after getting a call from Hank saying they’d found Nick. Apparently a couple out hiking had stumbled upon an old abandoned house (as is the way), been unable to resist having a mooch around, and discovered Nick, unconscious, chained up in one of the bedrooms. The police had been there in minutes. Hank was astounded that they’d found Nick alive. He’d all but given up when the investigation proved fruitless, and drunk a toast to his friend’s memory on the anniversary of his disappearance. Now Nick was a real, living, breathing person again, and seeing him felt so weird. He’d watched the EMTs load Nick into the ambulance in a daze, and even Wu seemed out of it. Renard had gone ahead to the hospital, leaving Hank with a crime scene to process and a fierce determination brewing in his gut, to finally exact justice on the bastard that had done this.

The ambulance crew had already arrived by the time Renard reached Treeview Hospital and had transferred Nick to a private room. They were frantically hooking him up to beeping machines and bags of IV fluid when Nick had woken up, and, naturally, he’d _freaked_. He’d pulled all the needles out of his arms, scratched a few of the closest nurses and was wielding an IV stand. When Renard had grabbed it, Nick had screamed and let go, scuttled backwards and jammed himself into the far corner, curling up into a tight ball, trembling and sobbing, lashing out at anyone who got too close. He’s still there when Monroe arrives.

The sobbing has died down to quiet whimpering, but Nick’s hand are still shaking and one of the bolder nurses is sat 10 ft. away, trying to coax Nick out of his shell so she can clean him up. _Good luck to her_ Monroe thinks, he can smell the terror emanating from Nick and knows he won’t be moving for a while. She shifts closer and Nick lets out a terrified yelp, kicking out with his foot - which she promptly leaps up and grabs. Three more nurses then jump in, grabbing his wrists and other ankle, and by now Nick is screaming and writhing so violently Monroe’s worried he might dislocate something, and Renard is yelling _what the hell are you doing, this isn’t even slightly helpful_ , and the nurse is valiantly trying to defend herself and her colleagues, and Renard is 10 seconds away from pulling his gun out and ordering them to stop when they relent, putting Nick back down on the floor, who scrambles back into his corner, sobbing again. Monroe starts when Renard is suddenly in his face, asking him to help Nick. They were close, he reasons, maybe he could get Nick to calm down, sit on the bed, be examined by the doctors and interviewed by the police, because apparently they need to do this _right this second_ and can’t be reasonable and wait a few freaking days. But Monroe hears himself saying, yeah, ok, walking over to Nick, who’s still crying, and Monroe feels like a rug has been ripped out from under him; this isn’t Nick, Nick is a Grimm, a goddamn _Grimm_ , and he looks so helpless right now that Monroe loses his words, doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how he could even begin to try and make Nick feel better. He’s got nothing. But, he figures, at least he can’t do any worse than the nurses. So he starts small. He’ll think of profound, soul-healing stuff to say later.

_Nick_

And Nick flinches, even at that, and Monroe can feel his eyes welling up. _Not now_ , he thinks, _now is for Nick_. He tries again.

_Nick it’s Monroe. Can you look at me?_

Nick still doesn’t move, but the crying has stopped, so Monroe considers that a win.

_I’ve missed you, he says. Can I see you?_

Nick’s head moves, and Monroe thinks he’s flinching again, but no, he’s looking at Monroe, scared grey eyes peeking out at him from the crook of his elbow. And then he says something, so quiet they almost missed it, but he did and Monroe feels his heart soar

_M...M-Monroe?_

He’s grinning like an idiot, he knows he is, but he can’t help it, he’s so happy to see Nick again. Monroe can feel his eyes filling with tears again, and he hastily blinks them away.

_Yeah … Yeah it’s me … H-How are you?_

It’s stupid, asking him that, of course it is, but Monroe’s not very good at this. But Nick just gives a minute shrug of his shoulders, and he’s still looking at Monroe, completely focussed on him and _not_ on the nurses who are still hovering in the corner. Monroe wishes they’d go away, he feels like growling at them, but he’s not sure that’d go down well with anyone, least of all Nick, and he’s all he cares about right now.

_So, um, will, will you come and, sit on the bed, Nick? I mean, the doctors need to make sure you’re ok, and they’ll be able to see you better up there. And Renard, he wants to talk to you about what happened, and Hank, he’ll be here soon, man, he’s missed you so much. And we can’t all sit on the floor._

He’s not sure if a joke is 100% appropriate right now, and when Nick’s gaze shifts to the floor he thinks he’s blown it, but then Nick starts to move, very slowly, his hand stuttering as he reaches out to Monroe, who grasps it lightly in his own. They stand, and Monroe guides Nick back over to the bed, where he lies him down. The nurses start to move around, clearing things up, and Nick is suddenly terrified again, shrinking into Monroe’s side. Renard catches it and sends them away; they don’t need this right now. He asks for one, ONE, doctor to be sent in, to do the examination. Nick visibly relaxes as they leave, practically melting into the bed covers, his head coming to rest against Monroe’s chest. Monroe feels weirdly fuzzy inside, and wants to wrap Nick up in his arms until he feels fuzzy too, but then the doctor comes in and Nick is tense again, shifting and acting like he’d quite like to climb into Monroe’s skin and hide in his ribcage. The doctor isn’t even intimidating, she’s small, barely 5 ft. 4, has a sweet face and calm voice; together they manage to coax Nick out of Monroe’s armpit. Throughout the examination, Nick doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make a sound, just holds on tightly to Monroe’s hand, the only indication that he’s even aware of what’s happening is a tightening of his grip as the doctor carries on, and Monroe squeezes back just as hard. Then the doctor comes to doing the rape kit, and Nick shrinks back into himself, pulling Monroe’s hand closer to him. His chin is wobbling and there are tears running down his cheeks, and he’s whimpering again and shaking his head, and it’s breaking Monroe’s heart. He looks to Renard, to see if it’s possible that they can leave this bit, because it’s so obvious how much Nick _doesn’t want this_ ; but the look on the Captain’s face, devastated doesn’t even begin to cover it, he looks haunted, like he’s about to burst into tears himself. So Monroe just shushes Nick, rubbing his arm, speaking to him in a hushed tone, _I’m not going to leave, I’ll be right here the whole time_ , and somehow they get Nick to lie down. Monroe puts an arm round Nick’s shoulders, holding him close, and Nick cries the entire time, but it’s over five minutes later, then the doctor is leaving and Renard is visibly pulling himself together, clearly trying to think of something to say. Nothing comes to mind.

Hank arrives 20 minutes later and they’ve still not said anything. Nothing seems to do anything justice. They want to try and get Nick’s statement as soon as possible, while everything’s fresh in his mind. Monroe thinks that it’s stupid, doing this now, it’s not like he’s going to be forgetting anything anytime soon. But, they start, and Hank says a hundred times _anytime you want to stop just say_ , and Nick nods minutely every time, and they start. Renard has a small recorder, and Hank is taking notes. Nick speaks slowly, haltingly, and his voice is quiet throughout. Monroe is torn between tuning it out, because he really, _really_ doesn’t want to listen to how bad this truly is, and listening to it all, because if Nick could live through this then he can damn well listen to it. In the end, the pro-listening part of him wins out. He keeps Nick’s hands in his, hoping it’ll ground him, help him remember that he’s not there anymore, he’s here, he’s safe, with them. Nick stops multiple times to gather himself when his voice gets too wobbly and he can’t speak properly through his tears. At one point all of them are crying, and Renard has to pause the recorder while they calm down. Several times Monroe has to take deep breaths to quell the urge to throw up.

Renard turns the recorder off for good two hours later. They’ve got everything they need, Nick is growing tired, and Monroe knows he’s not the only one who needs a strong drink and a sit down to take stock of the past 24 hours. The doctor comes back in to give Nick a sedative so he can sleep, so he can heal, but they all know it’ll be a long time before Nick is anywhere near better. Monroe goes home when he’s sure Nick’s asleep. He’ll be out for a fair while. He goes straight to Rosalee’s shop. He’s not so sure he wants to be alone after everything he’s heard. He must look at least half as bad as he feels, because Rosalee doesn’t say anything when she sees him, just pulls him into a hug that lasts a long time, then puts the kettle on and makes the nicest cup of coffee Monroe thinks he’s ever had. He doesn’t tell her anything, and, to her credit, she doesn’t ask, just sits next to him and keeps him company. He wouldn’t be able to get anything out in coherent sentences anyway, everything is whirling round his head so fast, he can’t tell one train of thought from the other. The worse things Nick said ring out the strongest.

_Why did they take your jeans and give you sweatpants?_

_Easy access_

_How many of them were there?_

_Three main guys. Sometimes there were others. I don't know who though. I wasn't always awake._

Physically, Nick is malnourished, underweight, there is strain and small tears on the ligaments and tendons of the shoulder and wrist of his right arm (the one he was chained by), his throat is torn up and sore and there is evidence of prolonged and severe sexual assault. There is severe bruising all over his body and deep scratches & scars on his thighs, upper arms and across his shoulders. The DNA samples collected from the rape kit come back to multiple donors. As much as it kills him that Nick had to go through that, Monroe can deal with physical wounds, they heal, and after long enough even scars fade.

But it’s painfully obvious that mentally, Nick has been torn to pieces. He switches rapidly between hysterical & violent and vacant & subdued. He panics and starts to hyperventilate whenever Monroe leaves him, and won’t talk to, won’t even look at anyone but him. He gets fidgety if there are more than three people in his room, including Monroe, but after a while he starts to tolerate Hank, Rosalee and the soft-spoken doctor. He’s wary of Renard, and Monroe doesn’t know if that says something or not, but Nick never reacts badly towards him so Monroe assumes it’s just because Nick’s a Grimm, and aware that Renard is half-Zauberbiest, and they’re not the friendliest of creatures on the best of days. Nick eyes every stranger that passes his room suspiciously, and when a doctor and their patient stopped outside the glass doors one time, not doing anything other than discussing the patient’s ... sister?, Nick had dissolved in frightened tears and spent an hour clinging to Monroe’s shirt.

And that’s how it goes for a few weeks. Monroe gets to the hospital before Nick wakes up (they tried letting him sleep without the sedative one night; it did not end well), helps him eat breakfast, calms and consoles him while the doctor wanders around taking blood, checking his wounds and generally assessing his condition. He has x-rays and scans, and they tried to do an MRI but he freaked out and almost stabbed a bewildered nurse with a hypodermic needle, and they don’t try that one again for a while, even going so far as to assign him a psychiatric nurse to keep a better eye on him (not that Monroe isn’t doing a good job, but protocol dictates). Then it’s lunch, which Nick always picks at, making the nurses frown. The afternoons are usually peaceful, and Monroe spends the time talking to Nick about inane things, reading to him or doing some kind of puzzle with him, usually the crossword in the hospital newspaper. Mostly they’re one-sided conversations, Nick usually just nods or points or makes noises of assent or dissent. Monroe’s still not very good at small talk, but he can go on about things at length, particularly his clocks, so mostly he talks about them. Rosalee always stops by at 3, giving Monroe a break and bringing him sandwiches for his dinner, chatting about her customers, any strange things going on in the Wesen world. Hank stops by when he finishes work around 5 and gives them all updates on the re-opened case. Nick never says anything to either of them, just shifts closer to Monroe and watches. They both leave when the health-care assistants bring round dinner, which Monroe helps Nick eat, then they watch the TV until the doctor comes round at 9 to give Nick his sedative. Monroe stays until he’s out, then goes home and collapses in his own bed. Rinse and repeat.

With Monroe’s persistence, Nick’s health begins to improve. He still doesn’t talk much, and some days are so bad he spends 90% of the time in tears, but his cheeks get fuller, his skin looks rosier, his bones are less prominent, and he looks like _Nick_ again. The doctors are insisting he move around more, so during the quiet of the mornings Monroe takes Nick on a short walk around the building. He wants to take Nick outside, but the few attempts he made to get him out the door were met with hostile resistance, and he stopped trying. He wonders what will happen when Nick is discharged, but figures they can cross that bridge when they come to it. For now he relishes the small victories: Nick smiling at the phlebotomist, saying thank you to the health-care assistant who brings his meals, calming himself down when there are too many strangers around. He even manages not to cry when Hank talks about the case. They found out who used to own the house, who it was sold to, who has the keys now, and they finally have a few suspects that they’re looking into. Monroe would like to see them, see if he can smell any Siegbarste on them, but Renard says they’re human, not Wesen; it’s probable that they know the perps, because they’re definitely hiding something. Next time Renard gets them alone he plans on to go full-on Zauberbiest on them, and Rosalee’s brewing a truth serum to slip in their drinks. Their methods are bordering on the illegal, but they don’t care anymore. Even if the case has to end with a cover-up, they will get their guys.

4 months later, Nick is discharged from hospital into Monroe’s care. The psychologist and the dietician assigned to Nick both impress upon Monroe the importance of a strict routine while he adjusts back to normal life. Monroe barely suppresses the urge to roll his eyes; _of course_ he knows the importance of routine. Reformed Blutbad, anyone? Renard and Hank are still progressing with the case, but the pace has slowed. They found fingerprints and fibres all over the house, but the prints weren’t on a match to any known criminals, just a bunch of unsolved cases in Oregon and Washington, and they haven’t turned up anywhere since Nick was found; clearly the perps are lying low. Hank is waiting for one of them to screw up and do something stupid, it’s just a matter of biding their time. They’ve got a ton of evidence, if only they could tie it to someone.  
The first week at home is … weird. Nick’s not used to not having all the hospital staff wandering around and Monroe’s not used to him being in his home. The wolf smarts at having someone else in it’s territory, but it calms down as it remembers Nick’s scent. It takes a few days just to get a routine established, but once they do, things are ok. Ish. The new environment hits Nick a little harder than Monroe was expecting, he retreats into his shell again, Monroe’s not really sure how to help him out of it, but they go on walks round the park and to the store, and that seems to help so Monroe rolls with it. They even go and spend an incident-free day with Rosalee; Nick helps her to organise one of her cupboards of herbs and they talk about things over coffee - Nick even says some things without needing to be prompted by Monroe. It’s the biggest step so far and Monroe feels a little giddy for the rest of the day. Nick seems a little brighter too, and when Rosalee says something to make him laugh, Monroe sees for the first time in a long time that his smile reaches his eyes.

Then comes the breakthrough: one of the perps was arrested for speeding and charged with a DUI. They took his photos and his prints, and Renard’s phone lit up like a christmas tree. They’d found their weak link, and now the rest would fall like dominoes. Hank and Renard came down on him hard in interrogation; by now they had some damn solid evidence, not even the guy’s smartass lawyer could try and sass his way out of this one. When he sensed he was caught, the guy had tried to Siegbarste-smash his way out of there, but Renard unleashed his inner-Zauberbiest that had been itching to tear the guy to pieces since they’d matched his prints, and he backed down, pathetic and terrified. He squealed not long after that. The other two guys went down without much of a fight too. Hank found it disappointingly anti-climactic. He’d been hoping for more of a fight, mostly so he could have an excuse for shooting them, but also because, after everything they’d done to Nick, all the violence they’d subjected him to, they’d painted themselves as cold, unfeeling criminals, kind of like the remorseless serial killers that do it just because they’re bored. But no, in the end they were just as human as Hank, even if they were Siegbarstes. They confessed to everything.

When Hank told Nick and Monroe about the arrests, Nick completely shut down. It was the opposite reaction Monroe was expecting, and he was completely blindsided by it. Surely having those guys behind bars was a good thing? That they weren’t still out there, a potential threat that could come back and haunt Nick at any moment, seemed to Monroe like it could only be a good thing. He was certainly glad of it. Nick later told him, after Hank was gone, that he’d been trying so hard not to think about them, to put it all behind him, their arrests had just brought everything to the forefront of his mind and overloaded his brain, and he hadn’t known how to handle it. Everything he hoped he’d never see again was suddenly all he could think about, and, once the press got wind of the news, he was confronted with it everywhere he went. Monroe, Hank and Renard tried to shield him from it, and Rosalee concocted a herb spray to spray around Monroe’s property that would subconsciously ward off any bearers of ill-intent. Monroe thanked Gods he didn’t believe in that the Siegbarstes had pled guilty, and the case wasn’t going to trial. He didn’t even want to think about the damage it would have done Nick to have talked about his ordeal in front of a judge, jury and condescending defense lawyer.

They go to Juliette’s grave a few days later. Nick took her a bunch of flowers, yellow daffodils with orange trumpets. It’s the first time Nick’s been there. Monroe had been there for the funeral, but that had been overshadowed by the police investigation. It’s nice to be there again now everything’s over and he can think clearly. Nick sits down in front of her headstone and places the flowers across it. Monroe pats him on the shoulder and walks back to the car, to give Nick some peace. Nick is grateful. There are things he wants to say to Juliette that he doesn’t want Monroe to hear, and he’s pretty sure he’ll start crying.

_H-hey, Juliette. I, uh, I just, wanted to say hi, I guess. Monroe’s here too, he brought me here, we don’t even know what happened to my car ... Juliette, I’m sorry. I feel so bad that I never told you the truth. Maybe if I had this wouldn’t have happened … I’m sad that you had to die so horribly, that I wasn’t strong enough to beat them. I don’t know if it makes it better, but sometimes I feel like I died too. I stopped being able to tell days apart. I think the only reason I’m not dead is because they forced me to eat and tied me up so I couldn’t hurt myself. Well, they hurt me plenty. I’m not sure what more I could have done. I didn’t know where I was when I woke up in the hospital, after they found me. I thought I was dreaming, I can’t tell you how many times I had a dream like that. Of being saved. I thought maybe they’d drugged me and I was hallucinating the whole thing, and suddenly everyone would morph into furniture or something. But I’m ok now, I think. Getting up in the morning is easier, and, I don’t feel like just … stopping anymore. I think that means I’m better. Monroe says it does. I wish I could see you again though._

There are tears running down his cheeks by this point, now that he’s finally allowed to grieve properly for his dead girlfriend. He stays at her grave for what feels like hours. The sun is low in the sky when he finally stands up, says goodbye and promises to come back next week, and bring her more flowers. He walks back to the car feeling better than he has in weeks, like coming here lifted a weight off his chest. Monroe is leaning against the car, staring off into the distance. Nick can tell that he’s lost in his thoughts. He wants to thank Monroe for everything he’s done for him, but doesn’t know how to. Part of him knows that Monroe knows he’s grateful, because Monroe’s always been good at knowing how Nick feels. Nick wishes he had the courage to say it, even if he only says it once, because Monroe deserves it. Monroe gave Nick everything. The least Nick can do is give him this one thing.

_Monroe?_

Monroe turns. Nick’s standing right behind him, the sun behind his head, wind ruffling his hair, and Monroe’s grinning like an idiot, he knows he is, but he can’t help it. Nick isn’t better, not by a long shot, but he’s getting there, and that’s worth more than its weight in gold. Nick steps closer to Monroe and hesitantly brings his arms up. Monroe’s completely floored when Nick hugs him, so he stands there like an idiot for a few moments before reciprocating. Nick smells like Monroe’s body wash. He can’t even bring himself to be annoyed. 

_Thank you._

Nick says it so quietly that Monroe would have missed it if Nick hadn’t whispered it right into his ear. He hugs him tighter in reply.

They stay like that until the sun finally sets.


End file.
